19th Moon; video;

[canfindrope]

I um... [Red's been... delaying this. Not entirely on purpose - she lost track of time while avoiding the subject. But she can't avoid it forever - and she knows it, from the way she's fidgeting. Her fingers clutched her skirt leg, then released - lifted up and gripped each other,. Then shifted and adjusted her blouse. a little.]

Did I...

I think I ate a few people. In the flood world. [Or maybe she just remembers her other self doing it, in the alternate world. Which means other people remember her eating them.]

That's not who I am. I'm not a killer. And I don't hate humans...

But I don't know if I really am one, either. I thought I was a human <I>and</I> a wolf. But Maybe Kara was right.... Maybe... Maybe I am...  something else. [Because trying to be two things at once hasn't worked out so well for her so far.]

Comments

[notdreaming]

[ Oh lord she did say that, didn't she. ]

There's nothing wrong with not being human. I'm not human. Well, not the way you think of humans.

[canfindrope]

[Quite firmly. Yes.]

But you know what you are.

Everyone back home just says human or wolf...

[notdreaming]

Don't you know what you are? You just don't have a name for it.

[canfindrope]

...I thought I could be two things. But maybe I'm just something different from either.

[notdreaming]

From my understanding, having two separate concepts of your core identity as an individual is indicative of a mental disorder. [ Just sayin. ]

[canfindrope]

[Thank you, Kara. Thank you for that. Excuse her while she tries not to feel bad...]

I... Um. I don't think I'm crazy..... [Kara. She thought you were her friend...]

[notdreaming]

I'm just saying, being two things doesn't seem like such a great idea.

[canfindrope]

Then what am I?

Granny wanted me to just be human; and mother... mother wanted me to pick the wolf. To kill Snow.

Snow thought I could be both. But. If I'm just neither... What am I?

[notdreaming]

You're just you, that's all. Red, who can change her shape sometimes.

[canfindrope]

Do you think that could work? [Her voice is soft, a little unsure. It sounds too simple.]

[notdreaming]

You're here, aren't you? It's already working.

[canfindrope]

But... what about others. Like me? [Wolves?][

[notdreaming]

Are there others like you?

[ Not important, Kara. ]

Well, they're just them. People are just people, you know? No matter what else they might be.

[canfindrope]

I think so. [Red didn't kill all of them! Just her mother.] Even you?

[notdreaming]

[ She huffs. ]

Of course I am! What else would I be?

[canfindrope]

I don't know. But you're not human, either.

[notdreaming]

Well, to be fair, what we call ourselves translates to 'human' in your language, but no, I'm not human the way you think of it. I'm Kryptonian, just like the rest of my family.

[canfindrope]

So you.. Have a species. [a culture. A name. Red is a pack animal - she can accept just being her. But. She wouldn't mind some of that stuff, too.

For now, she just holds her skirts tight in her hands.]

[notdreaming]

I used to have a planet. A home. Now, all I have is my cousin. But even if it means I'll never fit in on Earth or anywhere else, I have to be true to myself. I don't know how to be anything else.

[canfindrope]

You have me. If you want, I mean. I'm not Kryptonian, but... [Nothing gets Red away from moping about herself like another person to worry about.]

[notdreaming]

I meant that are like me. You could at least try to stay on topic. [ It's hard enough trying to get you to see sense as it is. ]

[canfindrope]

I meant... I don't really have anyone else like me, either. [She is trying to connect here. Kara is not making it easier.

Besides , while she didn't lose a planet, she was driven away from the only home she knew, and ultimately rejected from her adopted home. Sort of.]

[notdreaming]

[ Kara just sighs. Red is hard to talk to, sometimes. ]

It's just, you know, there doesn't have to be anyone like you. You give yourself too many rules. How are you supposed to figure out who you are and what to do with your life if you're always so confined to these strict guidelines?

[canfindrope]

[The feeling is mutual. But she knows Kara has been trying, and that means a lot. She reminds herself.]

I am not bound by rules.

[notdreaming]

A wolf does this, a human does that, people are this that and the other. It's ridiculous.

[canfindrope]

Those aren't rules... [It's mostly petulant, though,]

[notdreaming]

Now you're just being difficult.

[canfindrope]

It's... different.

That\s just nature.

[notdreaming]

No, it's a bunch of rules that you've decided you have to follow even though you're not completely either of those things.

...Someone's up late. (Early?)

[canfindrope]

I don't know what I am!

Early, visiting family for thanksgiving

[notdreaming]

Yes you do, you're just determined to be conflicted.

Ooh. Cool. Working for thanksgiving. :/

[canfindrope]

I'm not. I'm... [petulant again. Then uncertain. Face falling.] I eat people, Kara. When I lose control. If I'm just one thing... What am I? [A monster that eats people? She had to separate the two to live with herself. Now she's being told to combine them again, and it pushes the monster issue back into her face.]

[notdreaming]

For the love of Rao, Red, I'm not your psychoanalyst! Why are you asking me?

[canfindrope]

You keep acting like you have all the answers...

[notdreaming]

Advice, not answers. You have to think up the answers on your own like everyone else.

[canfindrope]

I tried. [It's plaintive.] I don't know...

[notdreaming]

[ Kara is about ready to tear her hair out with frustration. So the only mature thing left to do... ]

Then I give up.

[ ...is disconnect. ]

[canfindrope]

[She'll just sit there.]